Self-talk: Short Story (Talking about mental health through short stories)

 Note: This short story is not a replacement for therapy, an official diagnostic tool, or other interventions. The information I share in this short story is based on research papers, articles, chapters, and my experience as a therapist. However, what I write here may not address your specific questions or concerns; this is generalised information. The characters I mention here and the story itself are completely fictional, so any resemblance to reality is coincidental. All the artwork and charts are mine, so please use them only for personal use. Please do reach out to someone for assistance if you believe you need it. We deserve all the help and resources that we need!

"...Everything is fine. Everything... is fine...", Jen kept on chanting these words to herself as if willing them to become muscle memory. But the longer she paced around the room, chanting monotonously, the more doubtful she became of how fine everything actually was. 25 year old Jen took a moment to stop pacing and looked around her... truly look around to take in the mess that was her life right then; she saw her unorganized table, her unmade bed, and then the reflection of her tear-streaked face in the mirror and fresh hot tears fell down her cheeks, replenishing the dried-up tear stains with fresh realization of how anxious she was. She had joined an online meeting at her workplace with the realisation that she would be let go- something she found out a week prior. She had hoped... really hoped that the rumours weren't true (a childish part of her), but did she ever have a track record of 'things going as she wished'? So, by the time the meeting started, she was already sweating nervously..... 

.............

Yup, she was fired. But despite knowing how things would go, she still felt devastated. This was her first job right out of college, after all. Jen was also the first person in her family to get a business degree and get a job right out of college, away from her home... and now here she was- unemployed and distressed about her future. 

"Everything will be fine", she continued to herself, but it just wasn't working. 

"How will I know if everything is fine? It feels like my life is on fire", she ruminated to herself. She was sitting in her bed, crying, when her phone lit up with a call from her friend Ruchi. "Hey, how are you? I was watching a reel, and a character in it reminded me of you," Ruchi's lighthearted giggle was interrupted when she heard Jen sniffling on the other end.

"Do you have a cold or something? Are you okay?" That was enough for Jen to start crying again, which only made it harder to talk; frustration, fear and... shame brewing together to make it hard for her to even think. 

'I am an adult, and I am breaking down like a child, shame on me, she thought to herself.

"I just lost my job... like 3 hours ago, I still have to pay rent and my other bills, plus, I also don't even know when I will get another job. I feel embarrassed to call my parents; they rely on me, too, you know. I am trying to think positively, but I feel helpless", said Jen. There was silence on the other side, and Jen wondered if Ruchi was judging her or thinking if she was weak. 

But then Ruchi spoke, " Jen, if you were positive after losing your job three hours ago, I would think you had lost your mind. Where did you even hear that you have to be positive all the time? You are going through a lot of stress right now, don't push yourself to get over it. Wait, let me call you tonight, and we can talk because my lunch will end soon... and this conversation needs time."     

.....................................................

Jen felt calmer and less alone after the talk and decided to clean her room because what else could she do? But, doing her chores, preparing her lunch and seeing a more organised space made her feel a little more in control.

.....................................

Around 9 pm, Ruchi called Jen again, and this time she was calm enough to tell her what had happened. Her company had decided to restructure, and many people were let go, but they would be paid a severance package that included their monthly salaries, so, technically, she would have time to look for jobs (which she had started passively since she first heard the whispers of layoffs a week prior) and pay her rent. Ruchi was very patient, listening to Jen, not interrupting her while she slowly planned everything out.

"See? You already have so many things in line, and when you update your CV, you will have done a lot already. We don't have any positions open now, but I will always be on the lookout and tell you if something comes up at my office. Jen, you can't always be positive, you know. I do this thing, where I keep telling myself that while things are not going well now, I can do something to make things better. It is encouraging but doesn't feel preachy," said Ruchi kindly.

Jen sat quietly for a few minutes and then, with more confidence, said, "Yeah, you are right. I don't know what my future will be like, but for now, all I can do is update my CV and start applying for jobs, even if I feel miserable. Thanks, Ruchi, for looking out for me... and I don't just mean this for the job thing you said, but just for being here". 

"That's really no problem at all. Oh, and make sure you also rest more....", added Ruchi suddenly; ".... it helps for some reason...", she added more quietly, as if reminding herself.

With that, they said their goodbyes and ended their call. Jen felt more positive about what she needed to do in the next few days. The road ahead was hard, and she did not have everything figured out, but she could start somewhere. Years ago, when she was still a student, Jen had attended therapy sessions where her therapist had taught her a few self-statement techniques that had helped her. She opened her laptop and looked up the saved email she had sent herself to remind herself about that exercise. Then she sat down and wrote down the goals that she wanted to achieve in the next few days. 

That week, Jen found a steadiness in her ways of navigating through her life challenges. Between sending her CV, emailing the people she had networked with and upskilling to bridge any gaps in her skills, she also made sure to follow a routine that prioritised rest (as Ruchi had suggested). One other thing that helped Jen was her regular self-talk exercises- she wasn't saying things like "everything will be fine", "everything happens for a reason, I will be fine", or things like "I am so worthless", or "I am obviously a failure". 

Jen had found words of comfort somewhere in the middle... words that were realistic but also kind, and that kept her accountable for what she needed to do now. She would say, "I know things are not going well now, but if I send the job applications today, I will take a step forward in solving my problem". They were mere words, but they felt like beacons of hope that reminded her that she was doing all that she could. Jen had also spoken to her parents, and she nearly cried hearing her parents' concern and words of support- they had even offered to travel and be near her, if needed.

As she sat down to apply for more jobs, Jen felt anxious but also felt a little more in control of herself. She reminded herself that she was a respected employee in her previous job, and even if things didn't work out as she had wanted, there was no guarantee that she wouldn't get other job opportunities and stability in life.